we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
