you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
