I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
