i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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