We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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