i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Even my vagina gasped.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
