You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
