I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
