Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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