she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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