It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
