Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
