I don't remember. Are we still dating?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
