I'm eating all of the evidence.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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