I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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