we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize