Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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