my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize