Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
