Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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