I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
