The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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