I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
