Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
