i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
