She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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