I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
