my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
