So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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