I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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