Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
