you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
