I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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