Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize