it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Text me some of your sweat
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
