I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
