What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
