i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
