Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
