So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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