I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize