It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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