Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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