third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize