I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
