omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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