we have pet lesbian snakes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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