lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
