And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
