what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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