I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
