the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
