You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
