im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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