i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
