i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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