how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
