I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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