Whod you bang
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
