so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
