when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
