I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
