I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You are a genius and a whore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
