i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
