new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
