I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
