the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
