never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
