I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
