I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize