Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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