She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
