I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize